Moving Past Grief
Jim and Nancy fall in love at their first
high school dance. They see each other every day and talk on the phone
every night. Jim looks forward to their marriage and a life together.
The day after their high school
graduation, Nancy says, "I’m sorry Jim, but I want to date other
guys now. Please don’t call me again."
Jim pleads, yells and sulks. He tries
letters, flowers, cards. He talks to Nancy's family and friends. Nothing
changes Nancy's mind. He asks himself every hour, "How can I get
her back? Why did she really leave me? What did I do wrong?"
Jim stops eating, stops smiling, refuses
to talk to his friends. He loses interest in life and spends hours
watching television in his room.
His mother tells him not to worry.
"Time heals all wounds."
But after a few months, Jim is not over
his loss. He can't get her out of his mind. Time heals nothing.
A friend says, "You need to wash
away your troubles with some beer!" So Jim gives it a try. It seems
to help! Jim feels better . . . for an hour. Then he sees a girl with
hair like Nancy's and gets tears in his eyes. Another beer makes it
worse. The next morning, Jim realizes beer is no solution.
Another friend says, "The best way
to get over Nancy is to find a new girlfriend!" So Jim goes out on
a date with Jill. Her perfume reminds him of Nancy, her laugh sounds
like Nancy's. The music reminds him of Nancy. He wants to go home and
just think about Nancy. The date is a disaster.
Jim loses interest in school. A counselor
gives him a booklet on depression. "Of course," Jim thinks,
"I need professional help." So he goes to a psychiatrist who
gives him a prescription. The pills make him feel wooden, but Nancy is
still on his mind most of the time.
The psychiatrist tells Jim's dad that Jim
needs to take the pills forever. His dad gets angry and throws away the
pills. He tells Jim, "Just get over it!" Jim goes to his room
and cries.
Failure, loss and death are parts of
life. You lose pets, jobs, businesses, homes, friends, lovers and family
members. Major losses can change your life forever. For most people, the
only options to the pain are drugs, alcohol or time, none of which
really help.
L. Ron Hubbard discovered two ways to get
on with your life after a loss.
1. Shift Your Attention
You can help someone whose attention is
on a loss by asking this question over and over.
"Tell the person you are going
to help them. Tell him or her, ‘Find something that isn't reminding
you of ______ (name of person he or she lost).’
"Repeat the command, getting
the person to find something else that is not reminding him or her of
the person until he or she has a realization and feels better about the
situation.
"This simple procedure can
help the person recover from his or her lost love and begin to live
again." — L. Ron
Hubbard
You decide to help Jim get over his break
up with Nancy.
You tell Jim, "Let me help you get
over Nancy, okay? Here we go. Find something that isn't reminding you of
Nancy."
Jim looks around the room for a little
while. "That mirror doesn't remind me of Nancy."
You say, "Okay" and repeat the
instruction: "Find something that isn't reminding you of
Nancy."
"The drapes."
You say "Okay" and repeat the
command: "Find something that isn't reminding you of Nancy."
"The couch. Oh, Nancy sat there. I
sure miss her. Okay, that box of Cheerios."
"All right. Find something that
isn't reminding you of Nancy."
"That plant. . . ."
After repeating this question a few dozen
times, Jim's eyes become bright and he smiles. "Nancy who? To heck
with that. I feel better! Let's get something to eat."
While it might take a few minutes or a
few hours, Jim will snap out of it.
The technique works equally well with the
loss of a job, a business, money—anything you or the person you are
helping wants to stop thinking about.
2. Erase the Emotional Pain
Harmful memories are stored in the mind
at a conscious and unconscious level. These memories ruin marriages,
careers and your confidence. They cause unfounded fears, unreasonable
anger and irrational behavior. You carry this mental baggage wherever
you go. Harmful memories cause you to act in ways that are not really
YOU.
Dianetics eliminates the influence of
these destructive memories. The Grolier Encyclopedia defines
Dianetics as: ". . . a form of counseling for curing emotional and
psychosomatic illnesses and enhancing life" (psychosomatic
illnesses: health problems stemming from the mind).
When you receive Dianetics counseling,
you talk about your past in a certain way until the emotional pain
stops. The depression, grief and anxiety caused by your memories are
gone forever.
Benefits
When you reduce the emotional pain of
memories, you enjoy these benefits:
* More energy
* Increased control
* Interest in new activities
* More self-confidence
* Higher intelligence
* Better health
* Reduced need for drugs, alcohol or
medicine
* Less fear of failure
To learn more about Dianetics, buy Dianetics:
The Modern Science of Mental Health.
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